I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
