There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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