I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
