my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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