Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I pour the whiskey from now on
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
