Welp...herpes.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
