I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
