We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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