Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Randomize
