my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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