You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
