Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
