So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
