Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
