my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
