god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
