I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize