Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
