puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
