I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
