She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
