I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
