Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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