you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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