I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
