I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
