I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
