dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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