she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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