That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My life is pants optional.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
