ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
