i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
