she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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