Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
