Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
