can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
