I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
