I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
this hospital has no fireball
The struggles of a small town man whore
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
