she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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