I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
did i walk over a car last night?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
