PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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