How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
