can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
