Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
How naked do you want me to be?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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