Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
