Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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