the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
