He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
