there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
