Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
we should paint friendship bongs
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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