i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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