u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
