I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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