Me. At least after what I've been through.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
