What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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