My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
