i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize