I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
How does it feel to date your dad?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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