Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
