Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
