WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
