I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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