sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize