Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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