now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize