I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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