The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
