I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
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