I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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