i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
