Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
